This Is What It's Come To

I am getting ready to get in the car and drive to Waco (which I insist on pronouncing "Whacko"), TX. I will spend the night in the hotel I scored on Priceline for $40. It's a 2 1/2-star "Moderate Plus". I'll wait here while you recover from being green with envy.

That didn't take long. Maybe you missed the part where I typed 2 AND A HALF-star Moderate PLUS. Plush,eh? You want to know what the PLUS is? It's me in a place I don't have to clean, sleeping in a bed that I will not make with only my lofty thoughts to keep my company. I'm so happy, I could be twins.

I will get up in the morning and drive about 45 minutes into the bowels of central Texas to retrieve my two eldest children from the camp where they've been for a week. I'm very happy to claim my girls. I'm not so psyched about getting their smarmified camp laundry. Is there anything more rancid than camp laundry? If you know of something, I'll thank you very kindly NOT to mention it in my comments. :~D

We will pile into the Mom-mobile and point our noses northward and the girls will chatter incessantly about the lake and the bugs and the crafts and the archery and the sky and the rain and the counselors and the horses and their cabin-mates and the heat and the cold and the showers and the girl who hurled her fish dinner all over three tables in the dining hall because she stood up and spun around as she blew chow (it's the same girl every year ~ I'm thinking her Mom needs to spend some time on Emesis Etiquette, but nobody's asking me). What they won't talk about is the boys.

Because there are no boys.

This camp is all girls, ages 7 to 18. The counselors, cooks, nurses and horseback riding instructors are all women. The girls study, discuss and apply Scripture in an environment where the distractions are wildlife, not wild life. The come home changed a little bit each year. Noticeably more Christlike, mature and lovely than when I dropped them off. They also seem taller and in desperate need of a soak in the tub.

So, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with two tired, grimy, beautiful girls.

It Left Again, and It Took My iPod

My watch is gone. The perfect watch that I lost a few months ago and miraculously found again. The one I swore I would take excellent care of from now until Jesus comes back, and even after that if He'd let me keep it and if it went with my glorified body. I could have a few links taken out so that it would fit my dainty, slender, glorified wrist. I love that watch and it's just goner than gone. It's the gonest. And this time I think it took my iPod with it.

I'm pretty sure they're in Vegas taking in The Blue Man Group or Cirque du Soleil. Or, by now, they are in Nambia awaiting the birth of their little iPod mini with a second hand.

Come back, you two! Please come back!

1 Year, 100 Posts and Rockin'!

Yesterday was my one year bloggaversary, AND this is my 100th post, AND I am a Rockin' Girl Blogger. Dcrmom said so.

A year ago, I was overwhelmed, under stress, and doing my dadgummedest to figure out how to have the attitude of Christ in my circumstances. A lot like now. One year and 99 posts later, I have laughed, cried, rejoiced and mourned in my own life and with a lot of former strangers that I will surely recognize in heaven.

A lot of bloggers post 100 things about themselves for their 100th post. Whenever I come across those, I read every. single. one. And I'm glad to know more about my fellow dwellers of Blogdom. Here's the problem: there just aren't 100 things about me. There may be, at most, 17. I wasn't thinking, or I'd have posted "17 things about me" instead of this.

So, to commemorate my bloggaversary, my 100th post and my Rockin' status, I submit the following haiku:

Jumbled tumbled thoughts
Fears hopes prayers challenge laughter
Type click publish life

I want to thank dcrmom for thinking that I rock, and for giving me a lift on a day when it was much needed. And here is my (by no means exhaustive) list of Rockin' Girl Bloggers:

Barbie at Just Barbie. This girl oozes faith. Click over and check her out and see if your own faith doesn't grow just a little. She has a heart as big as all outdoors and actively looks for ways to be the hands and feet of Jesus in people's lives.

Bev at Scratchin' the Surface (formerly Blessed Beyond Measure) rocks because we've never met, but we have an eerily similar wonkerjawed vocabulary with words like "flowerdy". I enjoy her blog and I look forward to her comments on mine. If you don't already know her, go on over and get acquainted.

Jules at Everyday Mommy and Rabbit at The Hutch both rock and they're cousins, so I'm listing them together. They're women of faith and conviction who have been willing to take the time and go to the trouble to speak the truth in love to this relative stranger. AND they snort when they laugh. Don't we all need friends like that?

Deena at Wholly Devoted is one of the Rockin'est commenters in all of Blogdom. I've appreciated her visits here, and I'm always moved by her sweet comments when I see them on other sites. Besides, this post solidified (punny, I know) her Rockin' status. Read it and be blessed.

So go visit these Rockin' Girl Bloggers, and then come back here for cake. Okay. There's no cake. But I hope you'll come back anyway.

But I Don't WANT To...

Following is a devotional reading from Elisabeth Eliot. I subscribe to her daily devotionals through Back to the Bible, and every day there is something in my in box that challenges and encourages me.

I wanted to share this one with you:

How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do

Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy. ~Elisabeth Eliot

Be blessed, my friends.

The Following is a Public Service Announcement

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace .

This has been a public service announcement.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

What Do YOU Want To Eat?

This meme's theme is dining out, and my blogging buddy Elle at A Complete Thought has tagged me. It would seem impolite not to play, so here I am.

As an aside, I'm considering going with an All Meme Blog Theme and doing "All Memes. All The Time." It worked for MTV.

Anyway, back to today's meme.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to name of person that tagged you.
2. Include state and country you live in.
3. List top 5 favorite local restaurants.
4. Tag 5 other people and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Oklahoma, USA

1. Nonna's. The food is exquisite, the atmosphere is perfect and I feel like a card-carrying Grown Up when Gadget Man takes me to this wonderful restaurant. The dining room is elegant and perfectly lit. The wait staff is solicitous and the service is impeccable. When we're in the mood for something a little more casual, we ask to be seated on the second-floor outdoor patio, where we can watch horse-drawn carriages go by with locals and tourists alike.

2. Inspirations Tea Room. This is where I take my girls for a lovely lunch or tea. I also love to meet friends here to laugh, talk, shop, eat and laugh some more. Gadget Man swears there's enough estrogen in this place to turn him into a girl. Fine with me. He can stay far, far away from the pretty dishes, little quiches, homemade coconut cake and French Carmel Creme Brulee flavored tea. Just leaves more for me. As you can see in these photos from TeenQueen's 16th Birthday Mother-Daughter Tea, the decor is lovely, the setting is peaceful and the presentation is artfully delicious. The first photo is of some dear friends and a luncheon tray to.die.for. Cucumber sandwiches, girls. CUCUMBER SANDWICHES.


3. Ann's Chicken Fry. No website, sorry. Trust me on this, when a restaurant has a particular dish in its name, THAT'S the thing to eat when you go there. Case in point, Ann's Chicken Fry. Real, made-from-scratch chicken-fried steak as big as your head. Fried okra. Fried green tomatoes. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Cholesterol? What's that? Can you deep-fry it and cover it in gravy? I'll have mine with sweet tea, please.

4. Bad Brad's BBQ. So good it will make yore tongue reach up and slap yore brains out. If you've read more than one of my blog posts, you know I'm a victim. Ideally, I get my brains slapped out every couple of months or so.

5. Coach's Restaurant Brewery. Our favorite location is situated on the second floor along the third base line at The Bricktown Ballpark, home of the Oklahoma Redhawks, 3A farm team for the Texas Rangers. The ballpark is beautiful and comfortable and it's a great place to take the kids on a springtime field trip. Date night is altogether different, though. We make reservations for a patio table overlooking the third base line and enjoy some great baseball along with a BBQ Sampler Platter followed by a shared entree (there are so many that we enjoy), plenty of iced tea and one or two of their yummy desserts with a cup of decaf coffee to wash it down. The important thing to note here is that we're enjoying a live sporting event and our refreshment is continually, promptly delivered to our table, hot and fresh. Proof, in my mind, that God loves me and wants me to be happy.

Now I'd like to virtually dine out with Carly at Talking Myself Out of the Tree, because she's Canadian and I think that's terribly exotic and fabulous. Also, I hope that Diane will tell us where she likes to go when she eats out on Sundays (or any other days). I love that a certain percentage of the time, her Sunday Dinner Menu is "I'm planning on eating out. If my sisters or whoever may show up would rather scrounge around and have a sandwich or whatever, that will be fine with me. Whatever." My kind of girl. Dcrmom at Musings of a Housewife really deserves a night on the town after this day so I'm tagging her to see where she would want to go. Chilihead writes great reviews on stuff, and has been remodeling her kitchen, so I KNOW there's been some eatin' out going on. Maybe she'll let us know what's good where she is. I've had the pleasure of emailing with Jean at Working Momma 247 so I'm tagging her too.

My Favorite Game Meets My Favorite Pastime

Elle over at A Complete Thought posted a fun meme today, and I'm playing along. I love Scattergories and I know a LOT of useless stuff, so this should be fun. Leave a comment if you decide to play along, and I'll come over and check out your answers.

The game is SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Here are the rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person before you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Clemntine
1. Famous Singer/Band: Creedence Clearwater Revival
2. 4 letter word: calm
3. Street: Classen Blvd.
4. Color: Cyan
5. Gifts/Presents: Crystal
6. Vehicle: Corvette
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Camera
8. Boy Name: Cameron
9. Girl Name: Claire
10. Movie Title: Caddyshack
11. Drink: Coke
12. Occupation: Circus Clown
13. Celebrity: Cynthia Nixon
14. Magazine: Car & Driver
15. U.S. City: Cashion, OK
16. Pro Sports Teams: Chargers (San Diego)
17. Reason for Being Late for Work: Car Wreck
18. Something You Throw Away: Cans
19. Things You Shout: Come here! Comeherecomeherecomeherecomehere!
20. Cartoon Character: Clarabell Cow

AND, I didn't even Google! That was fun!

My Blogging Story

Chilihead is hosting a carnival and I'm playing along. And not because I can't think of a blessed thing to blog about. Nosiree. Not me. I'm practically DROWNING in fascinating blogorabilia (it's a word I made up, and no, you don't need shots for it). I'm doing this so that in 100 or 1,000 years when my great-great-great-great grandkids want to know why Mamaw Clem died with her gnarled, unmanicured hands clutching one of those antique laptop computer thingys, they can read the whole, unvarnished truth for their little pointy-headed selves. It's for the progeny, people.

The Ballad of Clemntine Buttercup

Cooooome and listen to the story of a blogger named Clem
Just another Mommy Blogger, there's sure a bunch of them
A couple 'years ago she was playin' with her brain
And on the Internet, the blog it was began

Words, that is. Diatribes and comedy.

Welllll what do you know, Clem's not a household name
Her kinfolk don't know about the blogging game
A couple of nice bloggers stop by once in a while
And leave a comment now and then that makes old Clemmie smile.

Carnivals. Meme-stars.

The blog that started as a brain dump has evolved a little bit
Unfortunately, there ain't a bit of money in it
But that's okay because so much useful stuff was learned
It doesn't really matter that all the dinners now get burned.

Pizza Hut. Kung Pao Village.

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Clem and all her kin.
And she would like to thank you folks for kindly droppin' in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin' helpin' of mediocrity.

Redneck that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

I'm Popular! And Young! And Skinny! And I Have Impeccable Taste!

Clear the self-esteem books off your nightstand. Delete the Yes, You Can! podcasts. Take down your Affirmations Post-Its. I've discovered the secret to youth, beauty and popularity. And yes, because you are so dear to me, I'm going to share it:

CAR. SHOPPING.

Gadget Man and I spent this whole entire day shopping for something small and fuel efficient. The Gas Sucking Behemoth is on its way out. And I've never felt more attractive or witty than I did today as salesman after salesman complemented my clothes (gauchos and a tee shirt), my smile (good thing I put in my uppers) and my sense of humor ("Is she always this funny? Aharharhar!").

It's been a while since I pulled into any establishment and no less than 6 men of various ages and stages of thinning hair made a beeline for me with their hands extended and a big ol' Haw'r y'allwhatkinIshowyatodayfolksdidjaneedcolddrank-smile. Can I just say that I do well with lots of fawning? My family doesn't fawn. I'm a fan of fawning. Bring on the fawn.

One guy was astonished almost into apoplexy that I could be old enough to have a daughter that's 16. I'm 39, and I look it. He actually ARGUED with me. "NO. Not YOU! You're not a DAY over 25! Quit pullin' my leg now, Darlin'." Okaaaaay.

Then there was Curly Hair Guy with the man-breasts and bad teeth. He declared that if he were to take me to one of his family functions that his mother, grandmothers and sisters would pronounce me "emaciated" and sit me right down and start feeding me. I've documented my issues in this area. He's 37 and single. Curious, that.

Slow Talker let us take a Corolla on an extended test drive to our mechanic. He just knew I'd luuv that car because I had such obvious good taste, and he seemed genuinely surprised when we told him that our guy said that the car needed a new transmission. Slow Talker's going to have his transmission guy look at it and he'll give us a call on Monday. I'll be sitting on the phone.

This is the conclusion I've drawn: shopping for a used car has many disturbing similarities to dating. We kissed a L-O-T of frogs, folks, and we're still pouring gas into the 5-blocks-to-the-gallon Behemoth. But I'm younger, thinner and more fascinating than I realized. The day was not a total loss.