If I say that once, I say it 50 times a day. Wonder Boy has autism, and unfailing consistency is the order of the day when it comes to character training. Before him the only thing I was really consistent about was being inconsistent. I also was Her Majesty, Queen of Empty Threats. Wonder of wonders, that did not turn out to be an effective parenting strategy. "If you run in the parking lot, I will rip your lips off!" "Get in here now, or I'll pinch off your head and spit down your neck!"
I should back up here and confess that I know why God decided to open my womb after 5 years of barrenness. He knew that if I only had Teen Queen, I would have thought I should have my own entire cable channel dedicated to sharing my wisdom and Grade-A, World Class Parenting Skills. I would have written three books a year while she colored quietly by my side in a white linen dress with a nauseatingly huge taffeta bow in her golden, curly hair.
I just had to look at Teen Queen and raise an eyebrow, and she got right back in line. Truth be told, she still does. Only then I thought I could take credit, and now I know better. If I take full credit for Teen Queen's compliant nature, that means I'm also to blame for the little boy who jumped into the neighborhood pool naked because his swimsuit just felt wrong. That was just last Friday, by the way. It's still to soon for me to laugh, but you may feel free.
I have thought of buying a 7-pack of day-glow orange tee shirts for WonderBoy that says, in black letters, on both sides, "I HAVE AUTISM AND IT'S NOT MY MOM'S FAULT. SHE'S DOING THE BEST SHE CAN."
Anyway, since God is dedicated to my humility, I have WonderBoy and WonderBoy has my heart. I love that little guy so much I could just eat him right up.
Back to consistency. I find myself repeating the same short phrases as I train WonderBoy, such as the phrase that is the title of this post. Today, BabyRedneck was assterting her will and shouting, "Obayfussdenkintak" over and over at the top of her considerable little lungs while trying to wrest the SpongeBob DVD case from WonderBoy's white-knuckled grip.
It took me a minute to make it out, but I think she was saying, "Obey first, then can talk."
I don't know what that says about our home life or my parenting skills, but I'm choosing to take comfort in knowing that at least someone is listening.
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8 comments:
Hmm... My kids don't even have autism, and yet oh so often those orange t-shirts with a suitable text would be so very welcome...
Fun post :)
LOL I love that you can find humor with all you are responsible for. Isn't it so amazing at how our children have such different personalities?
You sound like a great mom, and I have enjoyed getting to know you better through your posts.
Blessings
Oh that is just too precious!
I love the way you write! L I struggle with inconsistency myself. I am working on that very thing. Baby Redneck cracked me up with her little command.
Baby Redneck looks in the mirror and sees a linebacker, I think
Hilarious. Found your blog from BooMama's comments. Love your "writer's voice".
Too cute! You write so well! I love hearing about you and your experiences with kids! :) LOved the part where you said "God is dedicated to my humility!" That was so cute and funny! I have definitely felt that way!
Obey first, then we can talk. I wonder how often God says that to me, but I just dont hear it. I'll remember that. Like when He's shouting it in my ear and I'm trying not to hear Him.
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