We have some neighbors that are good friends of ours. Their kids play with our kids. We've been camping together and eaten holiday meals together. We have three girls and a boy. They have three boys and a girl. Their 9-year-old and 8-year-old (two oldest, both boys) tire quickly of WonderBoy and can be dismissive of him. It hurts my heart, but it doesn't seem to bother WonderBoy, so I try not to dwell on it.
Today, Pixie and TeenQueen took WonderBoy down to the cul-de-sac near the neighbors' house to play. About 30 minutes later, Pixie and WonderBoy came home and WonderBoy announced, " 'Red' is coming over to play! Can we make snow cones?" Before I could answer, Pixie informed me, " 'Red' isn't really coming. He just lied and told WonderBoy to go on home and that he'd follow. Then he told me he wasn't really going to and wanted just me to stay and play with him. I thought that was mean, so I came home too." I love that girl.
I called the mom and just said, "WonderBoy's feelings are hurt because Red didn't come over like he said he would." She said she'd talk to him.
My heart is breaking and the tears are streaming as I type. He wants so much to be included, to be wanted. He just wants to play. And he's so SO much better than he used to be, and miles ahead of where he "ought" to be (according to the developmental specialists). And he's funny, and cheerful and generous. Why can't they just try? Accommodate? A little? WonderBoy works so hard every waking moment of his life, fighting every natural impulse he has, just to behave in a somewhat socially-acceptable way. How can they not see the sweetness of Heaven in his sparkly eyes? How can they look at that earnest little face and lie?
The truth is, I know how they can do it. The truth is that I was an insecure, know-it-all bully as a kid. The truth is, tricking a kid into going another direction so that my friends and I could be relieved of his or her presence was all in a day's play for me. Those kids who just wanted to be included, to be wanted, to just play. Just like the little boy that God has used to show me His love and mercy, and to show me my own depravity. In sin was I conceived...
Red, I forgive you. You don't know yet what you do. But, someday, you might and your heart will break too and I'm sorry for that because it's a searing, seething ache that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Chester, Lea, Peggy, Amy, Jimmy, David, and Tana: I can see your faces and hear your voices and I'm sorry that it took growing up and having children of my own for me to see the image of Creator God in you. I hurt you with things I did and said. I lied to you and made fun of you and led the jeers in the cafeteria and on the bus. I was wrong. I am so, so sorry.
Heavenly Father, thank You for loving me enough to show me my need of the atoning sacrifice of Your Perfect Son, and thank You for giving me the faith to trust in that sacrifice to reconcile me, a sinner, with Your perfect holiness. By the power of Your Holy Spirit, give me the ability and the desire to extend a portion of the great grace You've so generously given me to those whose actions and words are painful to me and those I love.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
12 comments:
Yes...come quickly, Lord. I'm weeping with you, Clemntine. Our mama-bear instincts are strong! And oh does it hurt to look back on those we were heartless to ourselves. I cringe. :(
I'm so sorry your baby is hurting, Clemntine.
I was always made fun of and cruelly teased as a little girl. I know just how he feels. I have tears streaming from my eyes as I type this.
I think God has given you the privelege of being on both sides of the fence so you can empathize and do what's best for your boy. What an opportunity to teach those neighbor kids, too. And I mean that in the sincerest sense, not in the sense of anger and vengeance on Wonderboy's behalf.
It's never easy, this growing up, whether it's us or guiding our children as they make their own rite of passage.
My heart breaks for y'all, Clemntine. Really.
Love and hugs,
Diane
I know my Wonderboy would be delighted to play with yours. Were going through a similar issue. The day care puts him with the 4 year olds which he is fine and dandy with, it just hurts me that since he is the way he is they wont let him be with his age group. Supposedly the school age kids call him crazyboy and the daycare just doesn't know how to handle him.
I am so sorry...and my heart just breaks for you and your sweet little man. Praying for y'all...He is faithful to heal all our hurts!
Here come the tears! I'm so sorry my friend. We are all fallen creatures, aren't we?
You are so cool. If that was happening to one of my babies, would I be looking at my own short-comings? Probably not. Sadly, I would be angry and hurt and that is so not the time I want to be shown that I have ever made even the slightest error in jugdement. Thank you for being so honest.
brenda
Oh, sweet Clem, I ache with you. I have had my own tears and rant this week about my own son (come and see--we are kindred spirits). My son is 10 and has many who like him, but no appreciable friends. Yes, come swiftly, Jesus. Mend our hearts for today so we can encourage our sons and daughters and extend grace to those around us. In your holy name. Amen.
Your story breaks this mom's heart, too. I had 3 boys and I know how cruel they can be. But, I think the most important part of your story is how Pixie came home, too and stood by Wonder Boy. What a sweet child and one who "gets it." I think those of us who have special children need to teach others how to treat these children. Seems as if you have done a good job of teaching Pixie. And, many times, kids learn better from other kids.
Clem, I'm sorrowful for the hurt this has caused you and Wonderboy (who looks so squeezably sweet!), but I was personally encouraged by the grace God has shown you to teach you more of Him (and so more to me as well). That He saves not just to give heaven, but that He saves in these things as well. Faith expressed in the daily-iest of small matters is of great salvation fulfillment, this side of heaven even.
Precious post of how God redeems!
Oh dear... So sorry Wonder Boy.
This has happened to The Kid as well. Thankfully, she doesn't understand that she's being mistreated. I do. And it hurts. A lot.
Praying for you!
I'm crying, too. I'm thankful for your sweet daughter for protecting him!
First of all, I'm so sorry! That just breaks my heart. Your whole family is so kind and precious and that kind of thing makes the mama bear come out in me (and I really want to open a can of you know what on someone, but seeing as how that is not the Christian mama bear way to handle it, I won't.=)
I just read a post from In The Trenches last week about how mean and catty little girls are. (And they are.) Reia has already experienced this and I wish I could say it has made her kinder to other little girls, but she still struggles. It's not so much that I look forward to her getting her feelings hurt, but I don't want her to forget what it feels like to be on the outside looking in. I hope she always wants to include that other kid. Just keep praying.
Hugs and love,
Robin
PS We just got back from Dallas and I think I have the strep bug now. I'll call you later this week!
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