Clear the self-esteem books off your nightstand. Delete the Yes, You Can! podcasts. Take down your Affirmations Post-Its. I've discovered the secret to youth, beauty and popularity. And yes, because you are so dear to me, I'm going to share it:
CAR. SHOPPING.
Gadget Man and I spent this whole entire day shopping for something small and fuel efficient. The Gas Sucking Behemoth is on its way out. And I've never felt more attractive or witty than I did today as salesman after salesman complemented my clothes (gauchos and a tee shirt), my smile (good thing I put in my uppers) and my sense of humor ("Is she always this funny? Aharharhar!").
It's been a while since I pulled into any establishment and no less than 6 men of various ages and stages of thinning hair made a beeline for me with their hands extended and a big ol' Haw'r y'allwhatkinIshowyatodayfolksdidjaneedcolddrank-smile. Can I just say that I do well with lots of fawning? My family doesn't fawn. I'm a fan of fawning. Bring on the fawn.
One guy was astonished almost into apoplexy that I could be old enough to have a daughter that's 16. I'm 39, and I look it. He actually ARGUED with me. "NO. Not YOU! You're not a DAY over 25! Quit pullin' my leg now, Darlin'." Okaaaaay.
Then there was Curly Hair Guy with the man-breasts and bad teeth. He declared that if he were to take me to one of his family functions that his mother, grandmothers and sisters would pronounce me "emaciated" and sit me right down and start feeding me. I've documented my issues in this area. He's 37 and single. Curious, that.
Slow Talker let us take a Corolla on an extended test drive to our mechanic. He just knew I'd luuv that car because I had such obvious good taste, and he seemed genuinely surprised when we told him that our guy said that the car needed a new transmission. Slow Talker's going to have his transmission guy look at it and he'll give us a call on Monday. I'll be sitting on the phone.
This is the conclusion I've drawn: shopping for a used car has many disturbing similarities to dating. We kissed a L-O-T of frogs, folks, and we're still pouring gas into the 5-blocks-to-the-gallon Behemoth. But I'm younger, thinner and more fascinating than I realized. The day was not a total loss.
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13 comments:
I think I could handle some fawning over... If it were done by someone that favored, oh, let's say Cary Grant. LOL
We just got a new "to us" truck. A KY blue Dodge Dakota. I'm loving it!
This is hee-ha-hysterical! I'm going car shopping too--just for the fawning--I don't need a new car! Very funny, Clem!
You shoulda TOLD me to go potty (er..to the bathroom) before I read this post, Clem! Darn you, I had to squirm in my chair!
You totally had me at: "my smile (good thing I put in my uppers) and my sense of humor ("Is she always this funny? Aharharhar!")."
And...I say, looking for a new self-esteem via car shopping is one heckuva lot cheaper than, say years of therapy and plastic surgery, right. Because we do know, it's much better to look marvelous than to be marvelous, right? :)
SNORT! Girl, you are funnnnn-nnnny. And I'm NOT trying to sell you a car!
Go figure. I never knew. Now if I can convince Husband to trade in HIS 5-blocks-to-the-gallon behemoth. Hmmm...
Hee hee! I was wondering how the day turned out. I don't even go car shopping anymore. When I need a car, Terry and I chat about what I would like, and then he lets me know what we can actually afford. Bada-bing, bada-bang, a new car shows up in the driveway.
Thankfully you had a mechanic look at it! Transmission problems are the worst or this weekend I think they are since mine is gone;-) You will be glad to know my car is no longer in the Braums parking lot..it is now in my church parking lot and being towed to a mechanic tomorrow. I KNEW God had a plan:-)
A reader on my blog suggested I read your post about car shopping. Very funny stuff! We just did the car shopping stuff and I don't think I took full advantage of the fawning. Next time I'll know better.
I'm not a fan of the car shopping experience. But if you have to go, it must at least be nice to be told you look young!
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Very funny! A teenage boy called me Miss today and I loved him for it. I even had my baby with me...that poor teen had no idea why I smiled so big.
O.k...so I'm reading along thinking, "Oh no! No!" And I'm remembering the Proverb that says, "He that flattereth his neighbor spreadeth a net for his feet!" And in my head I'm screaming for you to stop! STOP! Don't buy that lemon from that creepy car guy who's just being ridiculous.
(Because everyone knows not to shave more than a decade--tops--off a woman's age when you're trying to get on her good side. Any more is just embarrassing.)
And then I read you were fillin' the tank, and I could exhale and even give a little giggle.
:)
*SNORT* I'm a lot like my cousin...I sometimes snort when I laugh. And, when I met you I didn't realize you wore dentures. Hmmm...
Your uppers! LOL That was hilarious. You really do not look a day over 25 :) I think you are C-U-T-E! (Do I get some kind of points for fawning???:)) I agree, though, I adore fawning. I think I should try to teach my kids the art! ;)
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