Notes From the Klutz Files

First, a warning: This post may be incomhe...incompreh...conreprehensib ...whacked-out. I'm typing under the influence here, so anything could happen. Our story opens with your fearless Clem out and about, doing good deeds for the grateful citizens of Okie-town...

Yesterday, I went for a postpartum visit with a new mom and her 2 day old baby. That went well, as I worked my usual magic and when I left, baby had finally fed for the first time and mom and baby were content. SCORE!

Since I was in the neighborhood of Gadget Man's office and I knew I wouldn't see him again until very late because he was working until 11pm at the Apple Store after finishing his day at the office, and since I had downed a 44oz Super Big Gulp of Diet DP, I decided to stop in for a surprise visit and to answer the screeching siren of nature.

I gracefully alighted my minivan and turned to go up onto the sidewalk. My left shoe caught somehow, then I banged my left big toe into the curb. At this point, I did a perfect 4-point bellyflop onto the sidewalk, crashing my right shin into the same curb. It literally knocked all the wind out of me, and those of you who've met me can testify that that is no mean feat!

I don't think anyone witnessed the spectacle, and if they did, they were kind enough not to laugh so loudly that I could hear them. I gathered my limbs and other loose articles and made my way to the side entrance. I went in, made my way to the powder room and sat down on the couch to look at the damage. My left big toe hurt the most, but I didn't see anything really wrong with it. My leg hurt pretty bad too, so I figured I was going to have a humdinger of a bruise. I took a couple of Motrin, chatted with Dan for a bit, got in the car and headed for home.

By the time I got home, my toe was large and blackish purple, and my right leg was hot and swollen from the bruised area down through my foot. I slipped my shoes halfway back on (both feet were quite swollen) and went to the "Doc-In-A-Box" ~ you know, the walk-in urgent care place. Well, long story long, I compound fractured the second bone in my big toe and cracked my right tibia (shin bone). The Lortab and I have been keeping each other company today, and I'm supposed to see the foot & ankle surgeon next week about my toe. Walking is agony, so I've mostly been in bed which is very boring.

The hubby and the kiddies have been awesome, but it's hard for WonderBoy to remember not to pounce on me or the bed, and Baby Redneck wants me to be the one to get up and fix her a drink or a sandwich, so it's been kind of a bummer. The Doc-In-A-Box said to plan on it taking 6-8 weeks for the toe to heal, and that's if surgery isn't required.

I'll get right on that.

:~/